


Hallow’s Eve

by jumping_jax



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, American English, Cheating, Chill out, Excessive Swearing, I can’t write, M/M, Making Out, Save Me, Self indulgence, Sexuality Crisis, Why Did I Write This?, Young Love, halloween party, i wrote this for fun don’t come for me, lmao not really, no actual sex because i’m not about that, tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-01 12:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16284857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumping_jax/pseuds/jumping_jax
Summary: The lights are dimmed and it's hard to match faces to names. The festive face paint and make up didn't help either. But he could still see him, leaning against the back wall under the staircase. He studied the shimmery glitters brushed over his face and a cute, round boop on the tip of his nose. He studied the way his costume wasn't over the top but not carelessly thrown together. He continued staring at him, even through the mass of moving, grinding bodies between them. He was captivated by the beauty and couldn't bring himself to look away and find a friend, or some chick to hook up with. He wanted him. And maybe that was his first mistake, when it came to a boy like Jisung Park.----------Or, Jisung is a normal high schooler with normal grades, normal hobbies and arguably normal friends. When a halloween party leaves him scatter brained and breathless, he can feel his heart yearning for that feeling of being loved by a certain someone. But oops, high schoolers are complicated assholes of hormones and emotions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> triple h lolololololol
> 
> this is kind of a mess, i planned something bigger but the world actually hates me so here’s the garbagé. 
> 
>  
> 
> pls point out spelling and grammar errors, i’m sure there are many because i’m american and don’t know how to english.

“What are you going as?” Donghyuck asked over the phone, crunching on something that was probably food. Hopefully food.

“I dunno. I don’t think Johnny, he’s the host or at least his younger brother is?, knows my name so… does it matter.”

“Of course it fucking does, it’s a Halloween party for heaven’s sake,” Donghyuck emphasized and sighed.

“Then… I dunno, Mickey Mouse? Maybe a smurf…”

“Christ have you never dressed up for Halloween before?” Jisung could almost hear Donghyuck massaging his temples.

“I did as a kid, it was usually just like… a storm trooper though. And the costumes were always homemade. I think I could make a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on my own…” he began pondering aloud and Donghyuck growled. It usually took a lot to get Donghyuck this rilled up - he preferred not to let the bitches know they got to him and generally had a pretty good temper - but Jisung always seemed to rub him the wrong way. He wasn’t even sure why they were still friends or how they reached the status of ‘friendship’ in the first place if all they did was constantly get on each other's nerves.

“Jisung,” he began calmly, “you should dress up however you want. But just as some perspective, I’m going to be going as salmon nigiri. Jaemin wants to dress as a, and these are his words not mine, ‘slutty Girl Scout’ so that his ‘Boy Scout oppa can fuck him up-' Actually, forget that and please erase whatever mental image you drew in your mind, you probably didn’t need to know that.”

“JESUS WHAT THE FUCK?! I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!” Jisung screeched into the phone, dropping it on his desk and burying his face in his hands, frantically rubbing at his eyes as if it would make that image go away. Donghyuck’s nasally laughter, it probably wasn’t normally nasally and just Jisung’s shit phone being shitty though he’d never heard Donghyuck laugh genuinely, filtered through the speaker.

“THE POINT IS, even Jaemin is dressing up as will most people. So don’t feel bad if your Mickey Mouse ears get horribly trashed,” Donghyuck cackled before hanging up. Jisung pinched he the bridge of his nose lightly in hopes of relieving the building ache in his head.

The practically school-wide Halloween party taking place at a high school graduate’s place (Jisung didn’t know the actual name of the high schooler hosting it, only that their older brother named Johnny had once attended the high school and it was his tradition) was in a week. That wasn’t nearly enough time to plan something as extravagant as his friend would like.

He sighed heavily and leaned back in his wheely chair. What to do...

 

\----------

 

Jisung showed up at Hyuck’s promptly at 4:00 so they all - Hyuck, Jaemin and Jisung - had time to get ready. The plan was to knock out homework as quickly as possible, and get ready for the party, while eating a light dinner in case the urge to stuff their faces with chocolate arose during the night.

Jisung brought over the costume he (read: his older sister and mother) had managed to pull together to show Hyuck, who would then do his makeup for him. Jisung slipped it on, the cool, soft black material ticking his warm skin slightly. He’d made himself (yes, he actually contributed to his own costume) some cute and fluffy ears to go with it.

He slipped the black, silk wrapped headband behind his ears and adjusted them so they sat perfectly centered. He flapped his arms, satisfied with how his costume has turned out. He just prayed to God that he wouldn’t have to see Jaemin wear his inappropriate costume. He found Hyuck sitting on his floor, face paints and makeup scattered around him.

“Damn, Jisung, I actually thought you’d just be a deranged Mickey Mouse!” Jaemin hooted. Hyuck looked up and his jaw unhinged.

Jisung was skinny as it was, but wearing all black - supposedly a slimming color - made him bone like. He hadn’t decided to go as a skeleton, though he would've liked to, as Hyuck had made a very clear point that he couldn’t do that kind of face paint, so he’d opted for something a bit different. Black boots were laced up on his feet, very tight fitting black dress slacks - which had probably been bought in the girls section - disappeared into the tops of the boots and failed to hide the lean muscles of Jisung’s shapely legs.

His button down shirt was, surprise, black and clung to his body like a glove, not quite as tight as the pants but it didn’t hide the subtle broadening of his shoulders and his slim torso. Between the hem of his shirt and cuffs of his sleeves, were two loose strips of fabric, one on each side. They bunched against his sides when his arms were down and spread out to become wings when he raised them so the fabric stretched and the concave curves to mimic those on the wing of a bat could be seen.

To “pull it all together” his dad had told him to wear a black, silk tie but to “only tie it loosely just to tease all of the pretty girls.” He’d failed to hold back a gag at those words. Hyuck let out a low whistled and Jaemin ran his tongue over his teeth in a horribly over exaggerated, probably meant to be sensual, motion. The youngest groaned, hiding behind his hands and beginning to walk away.

“Wait! No! Jisung!!” Donghyuck called after him. He walked back and sat in front of his annoying friends, refusing to look either in the eye. “You just look, like, really good.”

“Pouty baby,” Jaemin teased, though there was no bite behind his words and could easily been compared to a soft coo.

“How do you want your makeup done?” Donghyuck asked, finally getting back to the task at hand. “Cute? Sexy? Creepy?”

Jisung’s mouth twitched and his nose scrunched up in thought. “Just… simple?”

“Cute it is!”

“What? Shit wait no!-”

 

\-----------

 

Donghyuck’s Dad pulled up to the driveway of the house. It was surprisingly large. Actually, living in a rich suburb should mean that all the houses are large and they are (Jisung’s is more modest) but this one was larger. Like, probably four families could comfortably fit in it. Maybe more.

There were large blow up decorations on the lawn, some swaying and others lighting up and cackling into the night. The trio climbed out of the car and waved goodbye to the driver. Jaemin had (very fortunately) only been kidding about being a slutty Girl Scout. Kind of. He did dress up as a girl scout but it was very PG. Scratch that, PG13 - you don’t see legs like those in a Disney princess movie.

It was just a really short, high waisted, flouncy green skirt paired with matching, short shorts, with a tight fitting white top, cropped to expose a couple inches of his toned stomach (apparently he’d been working hard all summer just for this) and a low cut u neck that exposed his godly collarbones and tanned chest. It was a bikini, if you asked Jisung. Jaemin had even gotten a green sash to wear with it, reading ‘cookie girl’ and Jisung was almost envious of the confidence Jaemin possessed to pull it off. It looked, surprisingly, good on him.

Hyuck had just worn a pair of white sneakers, white jeans and a white long sleeve shirt. He’d wrapped a wide black strip of fabric around his waist to attach a pillow with a orange and white striped pillowcase covering it to his back, thus becoming salmon nigiri. It was cute and Jaemin had made a headband with just some cottonballs dyed green balled up on the top to mimic wasabi.

The moment they stepped in, both Hyuck and Jaemin disappeared into the swarming mass of bodies crowding the vestibule. Jisung had to physically push through people just to get in the house. Some were already wasted and it was only, like, barely eight o’clock. He took a deep breath, slowly exhaling before continuing through the crowd while on the lookout for a familiar face.

“Daammn!” A voice called, which Jisung ignored as they most certainly couldn’t be talking to him.

“Yo, Jisung Pwark!” So they were talking to him. He stopped and tried to find the owner of the voice. A fairly short boy, shorter than him at least, pushed his way over to Jisung and beamed. He couldn’t help but smile back.

“Renjun!” He said happily, practically falling into his friend’s open arms. Renjun had graduated the year before, though he still helped manage the boy’s cross country team.

“It’s so good to see you! Wow, you’ve grown so tall!” Renjun marveled, looking Jisung up and down. “And handsome!”

“Duuude, dont say stuff like that,” Jisung groaned.

“Wow, and your makeup is really good,” his friend commented, ignoring Jisung’s whines of protest as he reached out to stroke his face and pinch his cheeks. Donghyuck had done an excellent job in making him look pretty. Black eyeliner rimmed his eyes, not too thick but enough to make a statement, and was pulled up into a thin, curved, wing with three prominent points to mimic a bat wing.

That was blended into greys which were packed into the center of his lid, a hint of shimmery silver lightly dabbed in the inner corner of his eyes. A light shimmery, metallic silver was dusted over his face, just giving it a bit of sparkle. There was a bright, shimmery circle on the tip of his nose, placed there without his consent might he add (Donghyuck claimed it would look cute, though that wasn’t really the look Jisung was going for).

“Thanks, Donghyuck did it,” he told Renjun, reaching up to shyly brush his bangs from his forehead. Renjun grinned and gestured to his own costume. “Are you… a furry?” Jisung asked, looking the tiger onesie up and down with confusion.

Renjun raised a fist, gripping the knot in Jisung’s tie. Jisung just cackled and pried Renjun’s tiny hands from him. “No, and I’ll have you know that my fursona is a fox thank you very much,” he corrected snootily. Renjun joked a lot about being a furry for as long as Jisung had been in high school and only last year did the friend group receive something like a confirmation when Renjun was marked tardy after missing the bell by a heartbeat and impulsively shouted "this is furry-phobia" before storming out of class. Jisung still had absoloutely no idea what was actually going on.

“Okay, okay. So you’re Tigger then?”

He took off running, as best he could, into the crowd, trying to lose his friend while laughing loudly. He found the staircase, leading into an equally packed and loud basement with speakers, a foosball table and a Wii, all set up in the spacious area.

The speakers were blasting some pop song everyone had heard on the radio at least 400 times now but people were still going at it on what Jisung presumed to be the dance floor. He snuck through the mass of dancing, but mostly grinding, bodies and unfortunately found himself in the center of a dance circle.

Heck.

People surrounded him on all sides, fencing in an open area for people to dance in. He could barely hear his own thoughts over the music, let alone what they were all shouting at him. A strong hand shoved at his shoulder and a booming voice encouraged him to just give it a shot.

You know that feeling of peer pressure where you really easily could say no because the people aren't like your friends or anything but then you think, "oh hell yeah, I'll show them" and then you regret the decision seconds after? Yeah, Jisung had this whole emotion coursing through his body, like every other time he danced. Minus the regret part. He never regretted his mistakes, only wished sometimes that they hadn't happened while onstage with the dance crew with the whole school watching but life goes on, right?

He took three deep breaths and let the music flow through his muscles, nerves, bones and blood. He’d been told before that he was a good dancer but still preferred to dance in private, where he could goof off alone although he was fairly comfortable on the school's dance crew. His movements were crisp and sharp when he wanted them to be, and fluid at other times to match the melody. People began to clap along to the beat, cheering him on and screaming with exhilaration at him. He could tell by gauging the audience’s reactions that he was doing a great job. The song came to an end and he struck a final pose in time with the music.

Everyone erupted, ignoring the next song that came up on shuffle, and crowded him. Some screamed random things like “marry me” or “he’s so fucking adorable but hot and now I’m confused” or just a “that was fireee” and it filled him with pride and happiness. He was able to duck and weave out of all the bodies, finding a quieter spot against the wall under the stairwell to catch his breath.

It wasn’t really secluded, just not in the center. Plenty of people were circulating around him, not really paying him any mind. But a sharp pair of eyes met his though the crowd and they sent a shiver through his body, causing him shift uncomfortably on his feet. They were very intimidating, probably piercing into his soul and drinking up all of his dark secrets. Not that he had many.

How to escape this awkward situation?

He should get something to drink.

But just water. No need to get wasted at a Halloween party.

He was about to push himself off the wall when a lean figure appeared in front of him. The same piercing gaze bore into his soul. His pitch black hair was slicked back with gel, making it glisten in the dimly lit basement.

He wore a silky, heavy, black cape with a high, pointed collar that was lined with red on the inside. A white tux shirt with a black vest buttoned over it hugged their torso, disappearing into a pair of black dress slacks, much looser than Jisung’s and more fit for office work or something professional. His black, polished shoes shone and tapped gently on the floor as he slowly stepped towards Jisung.

And his face.

Damn.

A layer of white, powdery foundation lightened his skin tone to look almost undead, though not so much so that he just looked like a floured mochi. His eyes were slanted and piercing, rimmed with black eyeliner and smokey makeup. The contour on his cheeks was breathtaking. They were almost hollowed out, but not to a disgusting level. His jaw was boxy, almost, and made Jisung want to bow at his feet.

But his lips.They were a bright, glossy, blood red and stood out even more against the pale skin. Jisung would be lying if he didn’t feel attacked by this stranger's devilishly handsome looks.

“Cute costume,” the vampire said, voice just a tad higher than Jisung would’ve expected. Jisung couldn’t calm his racing heart, no matter how hard he tried.

“Th-thanks,” he stuttered. Damned tongue, always making him sound stupid. “Y-you too,” he replied, looking the stranger up and down once more. The vampire smirked and consumed even more distance between them, so that no more than half a foot of space remained.

“If you’re a bat, does that make you my servant?” He asked slowly, licking at his extremely tempting lips which caused Jisung’s gaze to flit back to them, this time unable to look away. They were eye-level, though Jisung might've had a fraction of an inch on the other guy, but all he could see were those bright red, plump, inviting lips.

“Eh- fuck,” he cursed under his breath, noticing the strong affect this handsome stranger seemed to have on him. His face was burning and his breath wouldn’t slow, which made his hands sweat and shake.

“Let’s pretend we won’t remember tonight, because I’m sure you wont,” the stranger proposed, reaching out a silk, gloved hand and lightly rubbing it down Jisung’s chest, causing his breath to hitch, “and I’ll make you mine.” The distance between their mouths closed and their lips connected, setting every nerve in Jisung’s body on fire.

Something in the back of his head told him that this stranger could be trying to drug him, kidnap him and possibly use him for human trafficking. But a larger part of his brain told him that this kid probably wouldn’t have showed up to a high schooler’s halloween party just for that, let alone try to target a kid who likely had parents who loved and cared for him. It must've been the buzz from the party and dancing that eased his nervousness and let him just melt into the vampire.

He gasped loudly from surprise, feeling the other snake a gloved hand around the back of his neck and another grip his tie to pull them closer together. His lips were so incredibly sweet. It was an artificial kind, not something you’d taste in a freshly picked strawberry, but like the kind you’d taste in a lollipop. It was like a liquid lollipop had just coated his lips, slightly sticky and glossy and bright in color. And Jisung couldn’t get enough. He kissed back fervently, licking at his own lips that had picked up some of the candy lipgloss, letting his eyes flutter shut.

He brought his hands up to wrap them around the back of the vampire’s neck, resisting the urge to weave them through his gelled locks. His tongue snaked out from his mouth, against his will might he add, and traced over the vampire’s irresistibly sweet lips, eliciting a soft groan from him.

The vampire attacked his mouth again, slamming him back against the wall and pushing their bodies flush against one another. He pushed his tongue past Jisung’s lips, entering his warm mouth. Jisung choked on a low moan when their tongues met, dancing around one another. A gloved hand slithered down the front of his shirt and yanked at the hem where it had been tucked nearly into his pants. It slid out and he darted up Jisung’s shirt before the other could make a move. He gasped loudly as their silky, smooth fingertips glided over his torso, caressing his tummy and sides. Another hand wound it’s way in his hair, knocking off the headband and gripping tightly to tilt his head back. He squeaked at the feeling of their silky finger tips tracing teasing circles around his nipples and flinched under the touch.

He withdrew his hand from Jisung’s shirt, smirking through the kiss. Jisung quickly figured out that he had those elongated and sharpened vampire-like canine inserts in when he bit down on Jisung’s bottom lip, drawing out a weak groan from him. His lips disappeared momentarily, only to connect with the hot, slightly sticky skin on Jisung’s neck. Nimble fingers worked at the top three buttons and yanked at the tie until it came undone. He pressed hungry, open mouthed kisses over Jisung’s neck, moving downwards to the spot right in the center where his neck met his chest. He hungrily sucked at the soft skin, licking over it and repeating on another spot over his neck.

Jisung threw his head back, ignoring how it slammed against the wall. His jaw went slack, lips parting in a silent moan as his new friend found a particularly sensitive spot just below his collarbone, causing desperate pants and gasps to escape him. The vampire’s lips glided over his skin, towards his other exposed collerbone. He lapped at the dip and kissed anywhere he could reach over his trembling body.

He absolutely wrecked Jisung, and maybe it had something to do with the sugar Jisung'd been ingesting all night or the heat of the room, but he was prepared to go all the way right then and there.

His hair was probably sticking up in all directions, his lips definetely were sore and swollen, his makeup was probably smudged and he was halfway out of his shirt. The vampire boy probably listened to the voice in the back of his head telling he that he definitely didn’t want to lose his virginity as a junior either, and at a Halloween party nonetheless. He pressed a long, sweet kiss to Jisung’s lips instead of going any farther.

But when he pulled back, Jisung chased him, catching the back of his head with his hands and reconnecting their lips. The stranger let out a sound of surprise but didn’t fight to break away. They broke off quickly, both gasping and panting for air.

“Fuck,” the stranger cursed quietly, eyes memorizing every hair, every dip and every curve of Jisung’s face. Jisung ran his tongue over his swollen lips, now a matching red with the handsome vampire. He reached out, unable to contain his curiosity and traced over the side of his face.

His fingers dipped and curved over his cheekbone and he found the skin hot to the touch under the thundering pules in his fingertips. His fingers brushed over the sharp jawline and he snatched them back hissing and holding them to his chest.

“Damn, I think I cut myself,” he hissed, still pretending to have drawn blood. The stranger’s eyes crinkled up and he threw his head back, laughing loudly. It was ear splitting, not very alike to a vampire, but it made Jisung laugh too.

They stood, chest to chest in the dim room, holding each other as they swayed to the deafening music. They occasionally pressed short kisses to each others lips, as Jisung was positively addicted to whatever lipgloss they used, or their jaws and cheeks. He’d never imagined spending his Halloween during junior year with a very attractive vampire and making out with him.

“So that happened,” the vampire stated, reaching up to slowly rebuttening Jisung’s shirt, having the decency to at least look a bit sheepish with all of the angry, red blotches marking his once flawless skin glaring back at him. “Thanks for that, uh, I didn't get your name…?”

Jisung blushed so hard he though his head would erupt into flames. He avoided eye contact and readjusted his tie, combing his fingers through his hair to try and make himself look presentable. The vampire was still staring back expectantly at Jisung.

“I- o-oh, it’s, uh-” he was cut off by someone shoving the vampire aside and seizing his wrist. Donghyuck’s eyes were sly and playful when they met his.

“Now kids, leave some room for Jesus,” he instructed, throwing a glance the vampire's way. Jisung literally felt all happiness drain from his body at Donghyuck's embarressing remark.

"Leave, you ass!" He shove his friend away, pulling the vampire boy further into the crowd to cross the room to the other corner.

"Quite, uh, quite the friend you got there, huh?" The vampire remarked, tilting his head at Jisung.

"Oh yeah, he's a lot," Jisung chuckled, realizing he was still holding the boy's hand.

"B-but, uh, I... do you want to go out and trick-or-treat with me for a bit?"

The vampire grinned, flashing his pearly white teeth and giggled. "That sounds like it would be fun, why not."

They didn't really get any trick-or-treating done. They got candy, but Jisung being the hormonal teenage boy he is, lacked patience and rationale, so he'd pop the candy in his mouth as soon as he got it. This would result in Chenle pulling a sweet out of his small sack and placing it on his tongue, gesturing for Jisung to take it. What was he gonna do, say no?

The night was a mess of chocolate, sugar, kisses, smeared make up and laughter as the two journeyed through the dark neighborhoods, hand in hand.

 

-

 

"-and I swear to God he's so fucking whipped for him! Did I tell you how Jisung literally blew me off?" Hyuck was complaining to Jaemin when Jisung entered the choir room where they met up every morning. It's not like he was in choir, but Donghyuck was and because he was a needy little bitch, he required for the three of them to meet up every morning just to check in and make sure the others didn't die overnight or anything.

"I what?" Jisung asked, setting his bag down and plopping into a chair, straddling the back and scooting towards his friends.

"You were going at it with Chenle Zhong, of all people really, now that my brain isn't totally fried and I can actually remember details from Halloween," Hyuck said blatantly, picking at imaginary dirt under his fingernails. Jisung choked on his own spit.

"That was Chenle??" He shouted, voice raspy from hacking up mucous. "What the fuuUUUCK?!!"

"Jisung, say it a bit louder I don't think the whole school heard you," Jaemin huffed and rolled his eyes.

It was comical how frazzled and shocked Jisung was by this news which, most definitely, should've been extremely obvious.

"Bitch! He's in my English class!" Jisung shouted, still hacking. There was no way in hell he'd ever be able to look Chenle Zhong, basketball whizz, maximum honors student, the hearthrob of the school in the eyes ever again. "I literally made out with Chenle???"

"As opposed to figuratively making out with him?" Donghyuck asked, feigning disgust though he was actually quite amused at Jisung's little crisis.

Jisung let it slide in favor of scooping up his bag and bolting out seconds before the homeroom bell rang, throwing a hasty wave and "bye bitches" over his shoulder. He just needed to get through the day without seeing Chenle.

-

It is very hard to avoid someone when you're desperately trying to avoid them. They just seem to "accidentally" run into you all the more often after you vow to never cross paths with them again.

This is a very bad explanation for how Jisung ended up pinned down on the "No Sex Couch" up in the booth of the auditorium with Chenle straddling his thighs, leaning forward so his body was mere inches apart and his lips hovered less than an inch away.

"You avoided my gaze all of English class, Jisung," Chenle whispered, hot breath fanning over Jisung's lips and neck. He tried to ignore the tingles it sent down his back.

"N-no, I-I just, I just didn't know you, um, you were-"

Chenle silenced him by pressing a light kiss to his lips, effectively short circuiting his brain and leaving him incapable of forming a coherent thought. He let his lips linger against Jisung's for a moment, no more than skimming the hot skin together, but it affected Jisung more than he would ever admit.

"We both know that's a lie," Chenle murmured, smirking down at Jisung's discombobulated state. He hummed softly for a minute, shifting his grip on Jisung's wrists that he had pinned against the worn, lumpy cushions of the "No Sex Couch" and let his eyes trace the features of Jisung's face again. His eyes were softly shut and his eyelids twitched with anticipation while his jaw was slack and his plump lips parted to let shallow puffs of air in and out.

"I'm surprised you didn't recognize me," Chenle continued, leaning in and pressing his soft lips against the sizzling skin of Jisung's neck, right below his ear. He gave an experimental flick with his tongue, gauging Jisung's response. The younger's breath audibly hitched and he rolled his head to the side without hesitation, exposing the smooth skin on his neck. Chenle couldn't help but snicker at the sight of his old marks from the party still staining the pretty boy's skin.

"I-I... it must've been the makeup," Jisung replied, breath quickening ever so steadily while Chenle continued to just barely hover above his neck.

"I'm sure it was, Jisung," Chenle replied and the way he whispered Jisung's name right next to his ear, drawing out the 's' and letting the small smile on his lips leak into the sound of it all was enough to drive the younger up a wall.

Before Jisung could complain about Chenle being a fucking tease, a pair of full, soft lips were planted on his skin and the warm air from Chenle's nose puffed over his neck. He fought the urge to arch his back off the couch and bit down hard on his bottom lip to keep himself quiet when Chenle began to suck on the supple skin. Chenle quickly brushed his tongue over the section of skin enclosed by his lips before resuming his efforts to leave a mark that would surely show the next day.

"Ch-chenle!" Jisung gasped when the older boy pulled away only to lift a hand to tug down the collar of Jisung's shirt and reattach his lips his lips in the dip of his collarbone, and it was everything to the older boy. He abruptly stopped, entranced by the way his name left the other boy's lips that he had to hear it again. There honestly probably wasn't anything different in the way Jisung had said it from his past hook-ups and girlfriends, but he loved the sound of it from him more than anyone else he knew. It filled him with the confidence that Jisung was enjoying their scandalous session as much as he was and made him proud, almost to the point of happy.

"Say it again," Chenle commanded in a low toned voice against Jisung's flushed and burning skin. "Say my name again."

"Chenle..." Jisung echoed himself, slightly more whiney and breathless which really sent Chenle. He refocused his efforts, switching between Jisung's lips, neck and occasionally snaking a hand under the younger's shirt just to feel his smooth, soft skin again.

"W-we- mmmmn, c-can't do, ah! Can't do this now," Jisung gasped in between relentless kisses on his lips and gentle caresses over his chest. He'd lost track of time though he was sure the bell for the next period would be ringing soon.

"Mmm, why not though?" Chenle asked, capturing Jisung's lips before he could answer and slipped his exploring hand out from under his shirt only to let it settle dangerously high on his thigh. He rubbed gentle circles with his thumb, letting his nail press into the material of his khaki joggers and slowly moved more and more inward until his thumb was settled between Jisung's thighs.

"Chenle," Jisung gasped breathlessly, resisting the older's efforts to kiss him again. "We- we can't do this here, w-we have class!"

As if cued by some entity controlling the plot of this story, the bell signaling the end of the period rang through the halls and bounced off the walls of the auditorium and echoed in the booth.

Chenle sighed heavily, reluctantly climbing off of Jisung and began running his fingers through his hair, trying to fix his disheveled appearance.

"Damn it, screwed by the bell," he muttered, yanking Jisung by the hand up off of the couch. Jisung chose to ignore that comment.

They decened the stairs and Jisung also chose not to comment on the fact that Chenle was still holding his hand because he loved the way it felt. He pushed open the door and they merged with the chaotic flow of students migrating through the halls.

"I'll see you soon, Jisung," Chenle said, ducking into a classroom and disappearing from view. Jisung could only shake his head and smile to himself. He didn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

-

Maybe it's the horny teenager in him but he found himself wanting Chenle after a week passed by with nothing more than brushing shoulders, chests to backs and playful, teasing smirks and winks. Can you really blame him though? He made out with one of the most desirable students in the school and the guy even continued to show interest after whatever the fuck that was.

And maybe him shamelessly pressing himself up against Chenle as the flood of students left the english room, returning his winks or tracing his tongue over his lips, and purposefully maintaining eye contact for longer than what would be considered friendly were what landed him in a very similar position, barely a week and a half after their whatever the fuck that was.

"We really need to stop doing this," Jisung panted after finally being let up for air after making out with his back pressed up against the tiled wall of the inoperative school showers and Chenle's body flush against his. He could literally feel the fast rise and fall of the older's tummy through their shirts and what he could assume to be the racing of his heart.

"But you love it, don't you?" Chenle smirked, arching a brow.

Jisung could only laugh breathlessly. "And what about it?"

"Then we shouldn't stop, right? Self care and all that, y'know?" Chenle laughed, pressing a quick kiss to Jisung's lips. Chenle moved one of his hands from where it was firmly pressed against Jisung's shoulder to weave their fingers together and gave a light squeeze, all the while grinning.

Jisung's gut clenched.

"Chenle," he began slowly, squeezing back softly, "who was that girl you were holding hands with in the hall the other day?"

The question had been eating away at his very being, not necessarily because he was jealous, after all he had absolutely no right to be, but they'd been standing really close together and the girl seemed elated to have Chenle brush a finger through her long, dirty blonde hair.

Chenle's smile was gone in and instant and his eyes dulled. He dropped his gaze, sucking on his teeth and absentmindedly played with Jisung's fingers between his.

"Do you want the truth?"

"No, just tell me the most wild lie you can make up on the spot," Jisung said, sarcasm dripping from his words. The older boy sighed heavily, not even cracking a grin at Jisung's failed attempt to lift the mood.

"She's my girlfriend."

Jisung dropped Chenle's hand like it was on fire and ducked out from his hold, putting a very friendly distance between them.

The feeling that bloomed through him wasn't disappointment or surprise, more like sadness though. He hung his head.

"I knew it."

Chenle's head shot up from where he'd been staring at the space Jisung's hand used to fill in his own. He wasn't fearful, just mildly surprised. Jisung wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"How?" Was all Chenle asked.

Jisung swallowed, shuffling his feet under him. "I-I heard from Donghyuck after the party that he'd thought you had a girlfriend..."

A heavy sigh filled the silence of the locker room. "So why'd you keep going with me then?"

He scoffed. "Well it's not like you mentioned it so, y'know, I guess I just incorrectly assumed you didn't have someone but clearly I was wrong."

The torrent of thoughts and feelings swirling in his head and stomach made him sick. Was this some kind of sick and twisted game for Chenle?

"I-I just felt... I felt things with you I'd never felt before with her or any of my exes," Chenle admitted quietly, more to himself than Jisung though. "It was thrilling and I wanted more, I guess... but I should've thought about you and my girlfriend. God, this is so stupid, you can completely forget about me if you want, I-... I played with your feelings and..." he sighed heavily, "I'm just gonna go to class. It was... fun... while it lasted."

Jisung was left staring after the boy for minutes later, wondering if there was any way to work around this.

-

"Break up with her." Those were the first words Jisung said to Chenle after two weeks of awkwardly avoiding eachother. They were also alone, which to be honest, they shouldn't be trusted at all alone after their history but the teachers didn't need to know about that.

They were walking to the band room to bring back music stands their English teacher liked to steal periodically and since they had both finished their essays and didn't need the work day, he'd sent them both to bring back the five stands hoarded in his room.

Chenle's gait faltered and he nearly fell flat on his face from tripping over his own feet.

"What?"

"That's literally the easiest solution," Jisung reasoned. He didn't want to come off too strong but if they were already practically fucking...

"I-I can't just do that," Chenle argued, frowning slightly.

"It's actually very simple," Jisung stated mater-of-factly. "Here, it probably goes something like this, 'Babe, we gotta talk,'" he began, raising his voice a couple octaves while speaking more with his nose than his throat to imitate Chenle which earned him a playful glare and smack on the shoulder, "and then you just say, 'it's not working out between us,' or maybe, 'I'm just not feelin' it between us anymore, y'know?' and then she'll probably say, 'oh! But Chenle!'" He grossly overdramatized her gasping and clutching her heart while wailing and continued, "'I love you so much! You're the only one for me!' and then you say, 'Babe, I can't do this anymore. Jisung Park owns this ass now.'"

Chenle's face morphed from indifferent to shook in the blink of an eye and in no time he was chasing Jisung down the hallway, threatening to shove the music stand up his ass.

They met up later after school and made out for twenty minutes up in the booth, _again_.

-

Jisung really should've been concerned with the fact that he kept seeing a guy who already had a girlfriend, but he wasn't since Chenle was almost never around her. He'd only seen them talk in the halls while passing by each other and never exchange anything more than a hug or a high five.

To be fair, in the beginning Jisung hadn't know they were dating. But now that he did, he was extra careful when meeting up with the other older boy. He never left marks on Chenle, was never too rough and always waited three minutes after Chenle left to leave the location they’d chosen. Would it be easier if Chenle simply broke up with his girlfriend? Yes, absolutely. Did Chenle ever seem to consider the idea? Nope, never.

The problem was that they were eachother's drug, if you will, and knew it. After a month of sneaking away to the booth or under the stairwells or in the locker room, they'd both become fully aware that they were hopelessly addicted to the other.

Addicted to the scandalous kisses they shared, the very not PG things they'd whisper in each others ears while caught up in the moment, the other's laughter and how it made their heart swell, the late night talks over the phone laughing about the stupidest of things and everything else in between.

Although evident to both of them, neither chose to acknowledge the fact that this could only end in flames and tears.

-

Winter break rolled around and it was the day before everyone would be let out of school for the holiday which meant that literally none of the teachers had a lesson plan and class time was spent hyping oneanother up for the two week break from school.

Chenle and Jisung ran to meet up, this time in the secluded practice room intended for studious musicians and not lovesick teenagers. If you could even call what they had ‘love'. (To them, it was love. Or maybe just a very deep regard.) 

Jisung was restless and took control for the first time since they’d began seeing each other, backing Chenle into the wall and diving in for a kiss. He always felt confident around Chenle, but in this different position, he felt powerful.

He let his hands travel from where they cupped the the sides of Chenle’s face down over his chest and tummy, settling on his hips.

He was met with unexpected resistance when Chenle gripped his wrists, prying his fringes from him and jumped away, breathing heavily.

Chenle’s eyes were wild and chaotic emotions flashed through them as Jisung could only stare and gape.

“Chenle-”

”I-I should- we shouldn’t do this,” the older said, stumbling backwards to the door and flying out of the room in a panick. Jisung was left so utterly confused and frustrated that he’d managed to blow his chances, even though he wouldn’t be able to tell you where he went wrong. 

”I’m sorry, you’ve been _what???”_ Hyuck exclaimed, head snapping up so fast that he probably got whiplash.

“Hyuck! Keep it down!” Jisung hissed, nervously glancing around the mostly empty Teen Section in the town’s public library.

“You’ve been _what??”_ Hyuck whisper-shouted, absolutely shocked.

“Hyuck, I’m not repeating myself,” Jisung sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

”Honey, you’re literally the one who asked for me to meet you, I think I deserve an explanation,” Donghyuck pointed out, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

Sure, Donghyuck was quite possibly the most annoying person on earth, but Jisung had to give him credit for being there for him at any time and any place. Literally half an hour ago school had been dismissed for break and Hyuck was still 120% down with meeting Jisung without any context.

“It’s been going on for like... 3 months? I don’t know, possibly 4? Ugh, just, we were in one of the practice rooms and he just... freaked out? He like just left and said how we shouldn’t be doing this and I’m just really, really confused now...” Jisung's shoulders slumped hung his head, raking a hand through his hair.

Donghyuck nodded thoughtfully, resting his chin in on his fist. "Has he ever explicitly expressed interest in you, like as more than just a side hoe?"

"I'm not a hoe!"

"Yes you are, now answer the question."

"...He's never said 'I'd date you' and even then I wouldn't be able to tell if he means it in a friend way or in an "I'd date you" way, y'know?"

"God you sound like a confused lesbian talking about her childhood best friend."

"And I'm sure you’d know all about lesbians, Ms. Lee-"

" _-I am_ effeminate _don't you go calling me a lady-_ but if you two have made out multiple times, and he simply keeps coming back, odds are, that he likes you. Either for your body or your entire self but I'd count that as a win either way."

"Then what do I do? Ask him out?"

Donghyuck quickly shook his head. "If he was just uncomfortable with you, the dumbest move would be asking him out and further pushing his boundaries. Besides, he has a girlfriend so just... give him time to talk to you. I'm sure he'll come around especially if he's so unsatisfied with his girlfriend that he goes crawling to you," Donghyuck reasoned, chuckling at the last bit.

"You literally think so lowly of me-"

"You literally have never given me a reason to think highly of you."

"... I want ice cream, let's go, loser." Jisung stood quickly and began walking out of the room, swiping Donghyuck's phone from the table so he'd have no choice but to go along.

"It's December, Jisung."

"Did I ask?"

-

"J-Jisung," he stammered, voice wobbling and and palms sweating. No amount of practicing and rehearsing his mini speech to Jisung would've prepared him for the actual moment where he'd stand infront of the boy he'd turned his back on just a week before.

Halfway through his winter break, enduring more than his fair share of probing questions about his academics and love life which he'd tactfully (read: barely) avoided talking about, Chenle was sick of the forced cheerfulness in his family's household. The whole situation was complicated to begin with, as his mother divorced his father when he was around nine years old only for her to remarry another man half a month after, the father of a kid at his school named Renjun. Chenle liked to think of himself as an only child before Renjun was married into his life even though he had an older brother, taken by their father while Chenle went with their mother, and Chenle hadn't heard a word from him since he left for collge.

Renjun's family was different on so many levels. Yeah, they all shared Chinese roots but Chenle's family never celebrated anything. It was always, 'work hard in school, get a good job, settle down with a nice woman, have kids and raise them right, and die in peace.' Birthdays were nonexistent and the most he'd gotten was maybe an extra two dollars in his weekly allowance but that was all. Christmas was the day he got a day off from working around the house and studying but nothing more.

With Renjun's family, everything was a big deal. So naturally they were the type of family to really go at it during the holiday season and although Chenle had been a part of their family for now eight years, he felt like a total stranger at their gatherings. His mother brought some of her siblings and Chenle's cousins over because Renjun's dad insisted on properly spending time as a whole family.

Chenle hated his cousins. They were all prestigious, snooty, prejudice and spoiled.

So maybe it was the fact that Renjun had come out six months ago as gay when their parents tried to set him up with a nice girl from the city for the umpteenth time and now no one but Chenle would look at him without disgust written all over their face. Or maybe it was how Renjun's cousin so carelessly brought up the topic of gay marriage on Christmas Eve, leading to a very heated debate with everyone against Renjun, leaving Chenle to hold him in their shared room while he cried into the early hours of the morning. Or even the fact that one of his other cousins decided to talk about sex and losing virginity, leading to a very uncomfortable conversation for Chenle.

It could've been all those reasons and more combined that drove him to the nearby park two days after Christmas just to get out of that suffocating household. He wasn't expecting to meet Jisung there.

"Chenle," Jisung said, only lifting his eyes from his hands in his lap for a second to acknowledge the older's presence. The air was thicker than it had been in his house, which was saying a lot.

"Jisung, I'm sorry about... about the thing from the other day," he murmered, surprised to find himself apologizing when he really just wanted to go anywhere else and let the freezing air numb his skin and feelings.

Jisung hummed, shifting on the bench he was sitting on. "What brings you out here?"

"I hate my family." The response was straightforward and truthful, not leaving him anywhere to hide if Jisung decided to probe. He did. 

"... oh really? Why is that?" He sounded so casual, so laid back when he asked but the way his jaw clenched was enough to say that he hadn't entirely overlooked Chenle's apology. 

"Selfish, disgusting assholes," he stated matter-of-factly. "Except for Renjun," he added. 

Jisung's eyebrows shot up. "You're related to Renjun?" 

"He's my step brother."

Pause. 

"I'm sorry to bother you-"

"Would you like to come over?" 

Chenle would've melted at Jisung's words had it not been below freezing out. "Wh-what?" 

"I said, would you like to come over? To my place? Bring Renjun if you want but I'm inviting my friends over so they can escape from their overbearing families. You don't have to, of course," he added, staring up and the other and tilting his head to the side. 

"Um- yeah, that- that'd be nice," he murmured, nodding. "...Thanks."

"Don't mention it." 

 

" _Jisung! Get the door!"_  

The sound of Korean being spoken on the other side of the door was unfamiliar to Chenle's ears and left him slightly anxious not knowing what the fuck they were saying. 

" _Yeah, don't worry about it!_ _"_   Jisung's voice responded, followed by the pounding of feet down the stairs. The door clicked and swung open, reavealing the boy Chenle had been apart from no more than an hour ago. 

"Chenle, glad to see you made it," he said, offering a tight smile like he was considering going back on his offer. "Come in, I'll take your coats for you. My room is just up the stairs to the right, last door down the hall."

Chenle bowed politely when Jisung's mother waved at them from the kitchen and dragged Renjun up the stairs to Jisung's room. 

"Wait, you go in first," Chenle ordered, shoving the older through the door. Noise erupted from the room. 

"RENJUNN!!!" Jaemin squealed and threw himself at the older boy, hugging him tightly. That other boy, Dunghunk? He was sprawled over Jisung's bed like it was his own house. One other boy, who Chenle recognized to be an alum, sat quietly at a desk in the corner, looking him over but but not saying anything.  
  
"Guys, play nice," Jisung scolded as he walked back in. He not-so-subtly wrapped his arm over Chenle's shoulder and steered him over to the beanbag chair in the corner. He pulled the older down, hugging him close to his body. Chenle was thrilled and terrified. 

"Whatever," Renjun muttered, snuggling closer to Jaemin.

The whole hang out was generally unstructured. Jaemin talked a lot about his obnoxious family while Donghyuck openly glared at Chenle, to which Jisung only tightened his arm’s loose hold around Chenle’s waist.

“Jisung,” Chenle began softly, “do you... want to talk? Now?” The conversation was sparse, mostly just Jaemin and Renjun cracking up over memes they shared with eachother and Donghyuck mostly minding his own business. 

Jisung just glanced down curiously at him, as if to ask what there’s was to talk about. But the way his lips twitched and he nodded his head told Chenle that he’d been waiting for a time to ask about it. They slipped out of the room, promising to be back soon.

If trying to introduce te topic of how you’ve been cheating on your girlfriend with the person you’ve been cheating on and try to work something out isn’t awkward then I don’t know what is.

They strolled out of the house to the park they’d met up at earlier that day and stood next to a lifeless tree, blanketed in a soft layer of powder. 

“So...” Jisung began awkwardly. “Care to tell me what Friday was about?”

Ah yes. Friday. That time an inexplicable wave of panick and anxiety had seized his body and cause him to run out on Jisung when there really hadn’t been a reason. Other than how he’d felt utterly emasculated when Jisung held his waist.

Stupid, right?

But Chenle has never really experienced being feminine, for lack of a better word, or been on the receiving side of things. His upbringing had taught him that boy’s were always supposed to stand with their back straightened, shoulders set back, head held high, and arm around his wife’s waist. Never the other way around. The entire concept of LGBTQIA hadn’t even been introduced until his early years in high school. 

It was just abrupt, the situation he’d been put in, and unexpected. 

“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable like that,” Jisung said before Chenle could process he’d just spoken his thoughts out loud. “I-I won’t do it again if you didn’t like it.”

”N-no! I’m- it’s not that, I- I just... I’m not ready? It... it was kinda nice though,” he admitted shyly. Jisung smiled for the first time since that day. 

“You liked it, huh?” He teased, scooting close to Chenle, letting the fronts of their coats brush and the cloud puff from his mouth into Chenle’s face.

”Park, I’ll whoop your ass in a snowball fight right here, right now if you don’t shut the fuck up!” 

“BET!”

 

 

 

The two came crashing through the front door, hair damp from melted snow, cheeks rosy and eyes bright before stumbling down to the basement and cuddling together for the rest of the day, the biggest issue in their relationship forgotten once again.

 

 

———

 

In retrospect, it had been a sudden, irrisistable impulse and now looking back on it, he definitely would’ve done it differently because the look Chenle gave seconds after screamed that he’d fucked up big time.

"W-what do you mean, no?" Jisung whispered quietly, eyes frantically searching over the other's face for any kind of sign that he was joking. Chenle just bit his lip and shook his head softly, eyes looking anywhere but the other boy. They were alone in on the auditorium stage where Jisung had been assigned to visit with the stage manager for lighting and set ideas for the dance crew's showcase. Chenle happened to be passing through as a short cut from the choir room when Jisung had stopped to finally ask him the question he’d been building up the courage to ask ever since their christmas escapade two months ago.

"I mean, no. Jisung, I really can't do this now, and... god, it's not that I don't like you but... it just wouldn't work, okay? I'm... I'm going to have to cut this off, before it grows into something I can't handle..."

Chenle lurched back when Jisung stretched out a hand towards him in an attempt to ask him to stay. Stay in both the literal and figurative sense. "I-I gotta go," Chenle spit out, turning to leave when Jisung surged forward and clamped his hand over Chenle's wrist, spinning the older back around.

"Wait, Chenle, _please_. Please tell me what- _why_ are you leaving now? All of a sudden? We've been... doing _this_ , in the locker room, the stairwell and up in the booth for _months_ now, please- tell me how putting a label on it- our relationship would make it worse?" Jisung's eyes were pleading and his voice was shaking. Out of all the years of his life, never would he have imagined being in this position, asking his daily hookup for months from a high school halloween party to stay, even though seeing him with his actual girlfriend reminded him of how horrible he and their relationship was.

Jisung didn't think of himself as a home wrecker. And he did try before to get Chenle to stop, not only because he was developing romantic feelings but also because it just wasn't fair to his girlfriend. Chenle would always brush it off, saying what she didn't know couldn't hurt her and continued to kiss Jisung, causing any and all concerns to fly out of his head. And it wasn't like Jisung wanted to let Chenle go, but then again, if the kid wanted to stay, Jisung was gonna let him stay without any objections.

"J-Jisung... I have a girlfriend," Chenle mumbled, still avoiding Jisung's eyes though he didn't try to twist from his grip.

Something in Jisung finally snapped. "A girlfriend, huh? Where has she been for the past three months!? Why does it matter now that I just want to know what we are! I never wanted to just be "that side dick" or "asshole that killed the realtionship" but you never wanted to talk about it! And what am I supposed to do when I start feeling more? When I start feeling more for you than I’m supposed to?!" Jisung's voice filled the room of the auditorium and his eyes burned into toe side of Chenle's face. He huffed angrilly, eyes glassy. "But fine. Have it your way. We've always done it your way."

Jisung turned and left before Chenle could object, letting the door slam behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops this took way longer to write than necessary
> 
> life tip: never date while closeted for any closeted queer fellow. if you can’t come to terms with yourself or it’s not a safe environment, leave dating to the side until you’re comfortable

He was lost. So utterly and helplessly lost. The compass that was his heart had shattered and now he couldn’t distinguish north from south and right from wrong. 

Nothing changed about his appearance or attitude though. In the first week if school after their unofficial (but official) break up, Chenle acted as he would any other day. 

He participated in class, kept his grades near perfect, smiled at everyone and most importantly spent time with his girlfriend. Y’know, the person he was actually supposed to be spending his free time with.

If she knew about Jisung and the thing they had, she never let on. But only after losing the intimate moments he shared with Jisung on countless occasions did he realize just how out of tune he was with his girlfriend. 

His girlfriend was nice, don’t take it the wrong way, but she’d been a clout chaser from the beginning and Chenle knew it. Now you may ask, well why on earth would he date her? Simple. 

Number one, she’s pretty enough for someone of Chenle’s popularity status to date. 

Number two, she holds second place for highest GPA among the all of the girls in the school, making her respectable. 

Most importantly, number three, _she_  is a _girl_. Not a boy, but a girl. Overall, someone of the general nature whom his parents would approve of in the future when the time to mary came. He liked to think of this relationship as practice.    

Chenle thought often about what he sacrificed having with Jisung to be with her. The couple, while they had fun together, didn’t really know eachother, as shameful as it was. If you asked Chenle what she’d want for her upcoming birthday, he’d have no clue. If you were to ask her what Chenle’s basketball jersey number was, she’d make a wildly inaccurate guess. 

They lacked what a relationship is literally built off of: Interest. Chenle was not interested in her in any way and she didn’t appear to be interested in Chenle in _that_ way. Hence the whole idea of practicing a relationship rather than trying to build a genuine one.

He sat with her in his arms, relaxing on her couch with some shitty rerun of Jeapordy playing on the tv. While he slowly petted her hair, he was deep in thought about someone else’s soft, thought short, hair. Shameful.

“Chen-chen,” she said, tapping on his arm and looking up for her phone screen, “can we go out tonight? I was wondering if you wanted to see a new movie with me and my friends and get something to eat after.”

Chenle hummed, pondering the thought. “That sounds nice, but I need to check if I have my lessons tonight.”

”Chen-chen, you never did tell me what you attend lessons for,” she pointed out, tiling her head to press a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. “Can you tell me now?”

”It’s not really a big deal... I just take piano and voice lessons.”

”Oh. I didn’t know that,” she mused and turned back to her phone. Chenle suppressed a sigh. 

“Almost no one does,” he whispered to himself. 

-

Chenle breezed through his midterms but he watched Jisung carefully from across the room as they took their English midterm, gauging his reaction and mood. Based on these speculations, Jisung hadn’t studied for a minute and would be lucky to pass with a D. Chenle pitied him and wished he could’ve helped. But no, he had ruined that all on his own. 

He constantly found himself arguing internally about how the situation when Jisung had asked him out could’ve gone differently and ended better. In alternate realities, he was happily together with Jisung, his girlfriend out of the picture and his parents blissfully unaware of their second gay son. 

But now, it was only just a dream. 

-

April rolled around, which meant a spring break that Chenle desperately needed. 

Work had begun piling up, all of his grades were dropping by a few points and his girlfriend had not so subtly been eying one of the boys on the wrestling team. 

Life was “great”. 

Maybe you’re thinking, ‘oh haha, that’s what he gets for cheating,’ but he’d only ever turned to cheating because homophobic values had been drilled into his head since he was a kid. Didn’t mean he himself was homophobic, just meant he still wasn’t fully comfortable with the idea, even with his stepbrother out and still happily living in the house on weekends. In which case he’d turned to dishonestly hooking up with a guy instead of having the courage to be in a proper relationship with him and he mourned his loss every day when the familiar mop of, now dyed blonde, hair passed in the halls.

Chenle found that as time dragged on, watching Jisung move past their fling hurt more that knowing he was devaluing his girlfriend when he’d been in the other’s arms. He wanted it all to stop. There were many ways to go about this even though he knew only one was right.

It was the day before break that Chenle pulled his girlfriend aside in the halls as the bell for the last period rang. 

“Chen-chen?” She asked, puzzled. 

He took a deep breath. “Baby... You’ve put so much into us and I’ve loved every second of it but... I don’t feel like I can give you what you want anymore. For me, it’s just not feeling like it used to.” 

 _Like_ _it_ _used_ _to_ _when_ _I_ _had_ _Jisung_. He thought. 

She blinked at him a couple times and pursed her lips. 

“But Chenle,” she began, voice cracking and eyes watering. “You’re right, I’ve put so much into us but you’ve always returned just as much! I too feel like we’ve been a bit distant, maybe for a whole month now but I’m not ready to let you go!” 

Chenle opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Instead he took her hands in his, squeezing tightly. The conversation he’d had with Jisung about how his breakup might’ve gone played through in his had and he felt his eyes sting. 

He wanted to say those words. He wanted to cut things off with her so he could find time to breathe and figure himself out. He knew it wasn’t fair to her if he kept leading her on when he had little to no interest in her. 

The throat tightening yearning to be free and truly love nearly overpowered the sickening urge to continue hiding and force happiness on himself. Nearly. 

Movement around the row of lockers at the end of the corridor caught his eye and he stared past his girlfriend, trying to make out the figure that huddled behind the clunky, cheap, metal prisims but he dropped his gaze quickly to respond.  

“Oh, babe, I’m not breaking up with you,” he heard himself saying. But it wasn’t himself. It was like his father and mother were both speaking through him, molding and carving him into the perfect son they’d wanted and failed to create with Renjun. He forced back the tears and steadied the tremble in his lip. 

“I just... think I’m ready to take this a little father.”

Her eyes widened and she dabbed away the tears pooling on her lower eyelid with the tip of her finger. She sniffled quietly and a small smile spread over her face. “I’m so glad to hear that, babe. We can meet up after school today if you’re not too busy and... test things out...” she said with a wink. She seemed way too eager just to get into Chenle’s pants. This time he sadly couldn’t compare her to Jisung and convince himself again that Jisung was the better option because he’d been equally as focused on Chenles body and not his personality. 

Any small steps he’d takes in heading towards the right direction in finding himself seemed unimportant when he ended up back where he’d begun in the beginning of the year. 

He looked back up and the figure hadn’t moved.

With a delicate hand he reached up and brushed a stray tear from under her eye and leaned in to seal their lips together.

 

—————

 

In the beginning, for Jisung, it had been entirely about Chenle’s body and looks that drew him in. But as time passed and they became something more, kind of like friends with benefits, he found himself equally attracted to the boy’s bright smile and laugh when they talked about nothing and everything over the phone late into the night. 

More times that he’d be willing to admit, he found himself reminiscing over the blooming, flourishing warmth that filled his chest when he was with the older boy, regardless of where they’d been or what they’d been doing. The easiest way for him to describe it was as the missing puzzle piece in the chapter of his love life. 

It had just felt _right_.  

And now he was beginning to think Chenle had felt the same. He noticed how the other boy’s English grades had been slowly but steadily falling whenever tasked to hand back essays or worksheets in class. He noticed how Chenle didn’t end his third season on the high school basketball team on a high note, and that he and his girlfriend seemed more distant than usual. Not that Jisung was watching or anything.

So when he was running another errand for a teacher and walking through the halls, late to the last period of the last day before school let out, he was surprised to find Chenle and his girlfriend standing close together, hand in hand.

What surprised him even more was the girl’s muffled sniffles and unsteady voice as she professed her love for him and what they’d put into their relationship already.

Something akin to satisfaction flowed in Jisung’s chest. And maybe it was wrong of him. But it sounded like Chenle was finally doing what he’d promised many months ago.

But then the bullet hit.

“Oh, babe,” Chenle said, sounding just as heartbroken as her, “I’m not breaking up with you. I just... think I’m just ready to take things a little farther.”

To make things worse for his already shattering heart, Chenle’s eyes caught his from around the set of lockers. His stare was emotionless and he held eye contact with him, and pulled his girlfriend in for a deep kiss, never looking away from Jisung.    

Jisung’s hope was incinerated by a raging inferno. He listened as the girl quickly got over it and suggested something he would never even think about in his wildest dreams. He stormed off, but not to class. He retreated up to the booth and threw his bag at the ‘No Sex Couch’ and disregarded the loud thud that filled the small space. He leaned heavily against the table supporting the sound board, trying to make sense of everything that just happened.

He constantly reminded himself that he had no right to be jealous, but seeing that really got under his skin. He wanted to shout and scream at Chenle to make him realize that what they had, however dishonest and wrong it was, had been a two way thing and Jisung still had feelings too. Feelings that were crushed for the  umpteenth time.

It wasn’t healthy. He desperately needed to get over the boy. 

-

At some point, Jisung's junior year came to a close and summer vacation took off. He busied himself with his dance and researched potential colleges to attend. He spent time with Donghyuck and Jaemin, though Jaemin was more often occupied with Renjun than not. The few months he had off from school were jam-packed with day camps, working at his job, beach days and not thinking about Chenle. 

Nope. Never.

He never once spared the older boy a second in his thoughts.

Well, except for when they bumped into each other around town and he couldn't help but note the other’s dull eyes and disheveled appearance all the time. In the end he always brushed it off as waking up on the wrong side of the bed and carried on with his own life. But lingering thoughts of the older male never left the back of his mind.

All too soon senior year was just around the corner and Jisung was in the town's only asian mart that doubled as a café with Donghyuck, waiting for Jaemin and Renjun. He hadn't seen much of Jaemin or Renjun lately but didn't think too much about it when only Jaemin showed up, dragging a chair over to the table intended for only two people and plopped down, fingering through the bills in his wallet.

"You two want anything?" He asked, pulling out some money and standing. 

"I'm fine," Jisung said, raising the pack of onigiri he'd been munching on. 

"What he said," Donghyuck replied, shaking the plastic cup of milk tea he was drinking. 

"M'kay," Jaemin said and walked off to check out the options for lunch. 

Jisung took the opportunity to lean over the table and stick his face in Donghyuck's line of sight, effectively gathering his friend’s attention.

"Any reason why Renjun hasn't been around? Are he and Jaemin going through something?" He asked.

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow. "I thought you of all people would know by now, no?”

"And what's that supposed to mean?" 

Donghyuck took a long dramatic slurp from his cup and set down his phone, staring right back as Jisung.

"Chenle broke up with his girlfriend, hooked up with a guy and got outed to his parents. And Renjun’s busy taking care of the whole situation. Didn’t you know?” Donghyuck reported bluntly, taking another slurp from his cup.

Jisung shook his head vigorously, mind spinning. “No?! When did this happen?”

“Dude, like two months ago. Renjun said things are still pretty wack over there...”

“How would I have known?” Jisung asked, extremely puzzled. He was borderline shouting at this point in the small mart but couldn’t care when there were so many things running through his mid that could be summed up in “Chenle broke up,” “Chenle is gay,” and “Chenle hooked up with someone else.”

The last one stung the most. Again, not that he had any right to be jealous or hurt, but he was.

“Dude, I thought you were his side hoe,” Donghyuck stated, loud and clear for the poor old man sitting a table away. He shouted something in angry Japanese that neither boy understood, but at least had the decency to quiet down.  

“We broke things off like six months ago,” he mumbled indecipherablely. Maybe he’d ‘forgotten’ to tell his friends about the change in relationship status between him and Chenle but in his defense he’d been trying to get over the boy.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you,” Donghyuck said, cupping his ear with both hands and leaned closer.

“We broke things off like six months ago,” Jisung repeated louder. “He wasn’t being... considerate or thoughtful.”

”Jisung,” Hyuck began, pressing against his temples with two fingers, “I know you know how a relationship works. Cheating is bad, hoes are temporary and only there for sex. Wait did you two ever bang?”

“Dude, I’m seven fucking teen, no I did not ‘ _bang_ ’ him,” Jisung growled.

“Just askin, daaamn."

“Damn what?” Jaemin asked, rejoining them with a cup of shaved ice and a few sushi rolls.

“Damn as in Jisung probably banged Chenle, wait weren’t you the guy he hooked up with??” Donghyuck filled in Jaemin before going back to sticking his nose in Jisung’s business.

“N-no, we broke that off months ago! Like, back in the spring!" Jisung sputtered. 

His friends squinted at him. 

"But you two were so happy! I'd thought he broke up with his girlfriend to be with you instead..." Jaemin nodded in agreement with Donghyuck's statement and Jisung was suddenly hit with a wave of nausea and a terrible memory. 

Chenle stood in the halls, hand's clasped tightly to his girlfriends but gaze locked with Jisung's as he leaned in and kissed her right in front of him. After he'd just been starting to get over him. 

"g?.. Jisung???" Jaemin's voice slapped him back into his harsh reality and he jolted. "Baby, what's wrong? We called your name like five times. Was it something Hyuck said??" His voice had taken on it's motherly tone and his forehead was creased with worry. 

"N-no, everything's fine. Listen, I gotta go now, thanks for this," he lied and raced out of the cafe, leaving behind his food and jacket. They'd have no choice but to return it to him, but right then and there he wanted nothing to do with it or anything else relating to the outside world. 

He stretched out on his bed at home after sprinting all the way and let his mind wander to the places he'd never dare to visit in his time of repression. 

He pretended that there was still a part of Chenle's heart that was his. That part that would edge on his curious fingertips and lips at the worst of times and never make him feel less than spectacular. The part that was once willing to be there for him in the late night and that he was entrusted with when things at home hit a hard bump. Warm, laughter-filled memories swam up from the deep pool of other old scenes and times he shared with the older. He remembered their first "date" when Jisung had asked if Chenle was free to see a movie that his sister and friends were already dragging him to. They'd fooled around in the back, stealing secret kisses and leaving a mess for the poor custodial staff after the movie. They'd walked out, almost hand in and and just thinking about it made his face heat up. 

Jisung had taken a big step in their relationship-type thing and he wasn't willing to push his luck but Chenle had asked him to get ice cream and of course he'd said yes, despite it being late November. They’d swapped flavors and strolled around the town, systematically avoiding the hot spots that would bring unwanted eyes. The part that stuck out the most was when they'd sat down on a bench near an old tree and Chenle had scooted over so their thighs and sides were touching, and rested his head on Jisung's shoulder. His fluffy hair, once black but blonde at that time, tickled his neck as a crisp breeze drifted by. They'd locked hands and just sat, thinking. 

The memory faded and a lump rose in Jisung's throat. He swallowed it down and got on with his day. Even if Chenle was single again he wouldn't want to be with Jisung. The boy needed to figure himself out first anyways. 

But he still clung to the hope that he might have a chance this time around.

\--------

No one likes going back to school, that's a universal fact. Everyone has someone or something they hate that resides within the school during the year or it’s the school itself. Chenle absoloutely hated people since summer break. After that real nice stunt his ex-girlfriend pulled, he was not looking forward in the slightest to going back to school. People talk a lot so if there was someone who hadn't heard the news that Chenle liked boys, then they lived under a rock at the bottom of the ocean. 

He walked in, confident as ever and barely spared the greetings thrown his way a thought. He was focused on getting to his homeroom and setting up for a great senior year. But when the fuck do plans ever go accordingly? 

Not even three minutes into his day, he was cornered and backed into a wall by people he recognized as his ex's new boyfriend's friends.

_If she'd wanted to spit on me, she should at least have the guts to do it herself._

They all looked relatively uncomfortable with the whole situation until two other figures entered the circle, ex hand in hand with her new boy-toy. Chenle repressed the urge to gag. 

"Not cool man," the new boyfriend growled, staring down Chenle who remained unfazed and kept his head held high. "I'm- I'm always okay with gay and things, but man. You gotta go and break my girlfriend's heart like that??" 

Chenle arched an eyebrow. Literally no longer than three months ago that had been _his_ girlfriend while this new boy had probably been fooling around with one of the school sluts. Not to be rude, but this school in particular was crawling from floor to ceiling with girls dreaming of dick 24/7 and guys drooling over tits and ass all the goddamn day. Chenle would know, he used to be one of those guys tapping girls' asses when he walked through the halls, staring unabashedly at cleavage in class and making very rude, dirty remarks. 

Now looking at his ex he fully realized just how little both of them had cared about the relationship. He cheated, and she had to have cheated too if she got over him this quickly and found a new boy within the span of three months. That or she never really liked him to begin with. Chenle would guess both. 

"Listen," he began, puffing his chest and squaring his shoulders. "I don't know what you guys heard, but it's all just a rumor. It's all fake and not even your business so kindly piss off." He threw in a cocky smirk for extra effect. 

Too much effect. 

New Boy's eyes narrowed and his lip curled. "Don't talk like that to me,  _chink_ _._ Odds are against you in every way right now, I wouldn't fight us if I were you."

Chenle glanced dismissively at his watch and tsk'd his tongue. "Congratulations. You can count. Now, I didn't say I was gonna fight you, so I think we can agree this pointless conversation was over long before it started."

“Are you mocking me?!” New Boy asked indignantly, rage creeping up in his voice.

Chenle was about to answer when his ex broke down in tears, clinging to New Boy’s arm.

“Baby,” she gasped, making Chenle’s eyebrows shoot up on his forehead, “I can’t stand to look at him! He dated me because I look like a boy, he’s gay, I saw him cheat on me! Baby, don’t let him hurt me again!”

Chenle scoffed out loud. Many incorrect statements had been made. Firstly, he never dated her because she looked like a boy. He literally dated her because she looked the farthest from male one possibly could. Secondly, no she did not witness him cheating on her. To begin with, he cheated on her with Jisung, not that horny bastard from two towns over from the photo. In fact, he’d broken up with her before he’d been outed so she was pulling lies straight out of her ass.

Even then, she’d definitely only ever seen _the_ _picture,_ not in person, of him liplocked with the guy from two towns over, hands glued to Chenle’s ass, hickeys on display and fingers tangled through sweaty strands of hair. Not an image he was proud of in all honesty. He hadn’t even been that good of a kisser...

Chenle had spent his summer getting high, forcing love and then just letting shit happen as it would. Not ideal for anyone.

He hated being reminded of the day he broke up with his girlfriend and was outed only a week later by one of her friends to the whole town. To sum it up, he’d met a cute boy, talked with him and then made out with him under the fire escape at a Carvel. Said girl happened to recognize Chenle from the spam of pictures his girlfriend would post of the two of them literally just existing. (He never understood her addiction to social media). After the picture was leaked, somehow it made its way onto facebook (Chenle would guess by courtesy of his ex’s parents) and was viewed by his own parents.

In short, he was close to disowned, had Renjun not spoke up for him, and put under careful watch the rest of the summer to make sure he didn’t engage in activities that could ruin their family’s reputation. (It didn’t make sense. Renjun was already out, what more damage could Chenle do??) His mother no longer looked him in the eye and his step-father treated his son's“coming out” as he had Renjun’s for a year - as if it never happened. Like pretending it wasn’t there would make it go away.

So standing with his ex clinging to another guy, not that he cared or anything, and bringing up the still sensitive topic irked him. New Boy’s shameless, rude remarks might've contributed too. It irked him to the point where his skin was crawling with the insanely strong itch to nail them all in the face.

He didn't get the chance. At least not first.

His head snapped to the side and an instant later, pain warmed his cheek. He lurched backwards, stumbling to keep his balance. 

"I never want to see your ugly face again! Get away from my girl!" New Boy spat, rushing in again and seizing the front of Chenle's shirt. The much smaller boy tried not to choke on his own spit while aiming a nasty right cross right on New Boy's nose. "Fuck!"

The grip on his shirt disappeared and so did Chenle. He sprinted past the other guys who stood, still in shock that anyone had dared to fight one of them, only initiating pursuit after New Boy barked at them. Chenle's feet flew over the ground, arms pumping as he hurled himself through the crowded, busy halls. He took a sharp right turn, gripping the corner for balance and shot through the long hallway towards the auditorium. The door leading up to the loft connected to the booth was in sight. 

His heart hammared and his lungs burned but he kept pushing until he made it to the door, unlocked it and slammed it behind him, re-locking it. Curses and shouts were muffled by the thick slab of wood separating them and Chenle took a long, much needed breath. He slumped against the door and fiddled with the spare key he'd been given junior year. 

"Hello?" A deep, unrecognizable yet faintly familiar voice called from up in the booth. The rickety metal staircase rattled as the person stepped onto it and began to descend.      

His heart seized up in his chest, unable to move a muscle as Jisung’s lanky frame slowly came into view. His breath hitched and his eyes bulged.

Firs thing noted: Jisung grew. Like damn. Second thing: he was up in the booth which lead to the question, why. Third thing: he looked just as surprised to see Chenle.

“Oh, hi Chenle,” he greeted way too nicely for how Chenle had treated him last year. Guilt dug into his gut.

“Hi.” It was quieter than a whisper but sounded deafening in the small confines of the cylindrical tower leading upwards.

“I was just unwinding. Did... did you need something?”

Chenle studied his shoes. “You...” he mumbled quietly.

“W-what was that?” Jisung gasped.

“You- use... I need to use the couch up there,” Chenle sputtered, bounding up the staircase and moving to brush past Jisung. In his haste he didn’t realize just how narrow and therefore easy it was for Jisung to simply stick out his arm in front of him, barring his escape.

The feelings clashing within him, tearing him apart from the inside out won over his rationale. He grabbed Jisung’s face and smashed his lips into the soft, plump pair he used to know so well. They had been calling his name and pulling him in since their split and he couldn’t stand it anymore.

Jisung surprisingly showed no resistance and hungrily responded, shoving Chenle back on the single stair they shared until his back bumped into the railing where he gripped tightly for stability.

The old thrill of cheating was gone but something better had replaced it. He felt more alive, more free when kissing with Jisung. He could let his heart beat as fast as it wanted to and let the contented sounds pass his lips without feeling (as much) guilt and self hatred.

They broke apart only to scramble up the stairs onto the couch where Jisung easily climbed on top of the elder, reconnecting their lips with more ferocity.

Chenle gasped and whimpered without restraint when Jisung’s slender fingers found their way under his shirt and his tongue slowly and hotly worked into his mouth.

The sound of the first bell was distant in Chenle’s ears, unimportant when he had everything he’d ever wanted right in front of him. They didn’t stop (read: couldn’t) for a little while after until Chenle put enough distance between him and Jisung where he could sit up halfway and really look him in the eyes.

“Jisung... we really should talk about this,” he began.

“Oh wow, you realized?” He shot back a little harshly but the sly grin on his face betrayed his real feelings.

“I don’t really know where to start but I just- I’m so sorry...”

”Sorry for what? I need a bit more than that, Chenle,” Jisung huffed, sitting back on Chenle’s thighs.

The older forced down a look of alarm. “For using you, for treating your feelings like they were nonexistent, for pushing you away so harshy...” he listed off, only then realizing just how badly he’d fucked up.

”And leading me on, and breaking my heart,” Jisung added.

“Yeah, that too,” he conceded, wincing. “Really, really sorry about that.”

The look Jisung gave him held more meaning than words could describe. Sure there was a hint of forgiveness and understanding but it also held that kind of love you only reserve for that one special person in your life. Not even a romantic partner, sometimes that look just for your dog or best friend but a look telling them that they’re the best thing for you in the whole wide world.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Jisung said, getting off of Chenle. “But if you’re willing to, I’m free after school and I hear you don’t have to start working on the play for another week, so the booth is open,” he offered with a wink.

 _When_ _did_ _he_ _get_ _so_ _damn_ _slick?_  Chenle wondered, grinning. He felt like his heart was about to explode with gratitude and relief and love for this boy. He could only nod as Jisung lead them back down and out into the halls where they parted with a sweet peck before slinking off for the remaining time for homeroom. The cheek-aching smile didn’t leave Chenle’s face for the whole day.     

It started off okay but crucial turns were taken in the wrong direction, leading to a rather complicated, hard to navigate road for the two of them and then again where they cut eachother out of their lives all together. But they were still both addicted and open to changing their ways.

Their meeting after school involved little kissing or other activities, as most of it was Chenle explaining and eventually crying about everything that had been happening at home and going on in his head from the moment they met until that morning when they’d rejoined.

Jisung had trouble listening to Chenle admit he’d engaged in sexual activities with his ex to convince himself he was straight, mostly due to concern for Chenle’s mental state than jealousy though. Chenle told him about his parent’s sudden neglect for him and how the boy he’d been with had only wanted a one night stand, which he had been against.

The topic had migrated to how Jisung had handled things, which had been better than Chenle but not terrific. He spilled his feeling about the day Chenle had locked eyes with him and then proceeded to kiss his girlfriend at the time wile maintains eye contact.

“That really fucked me up,” he admitted. Chenle’s eyes watered for the second time that afternoon.

“Jisung, I hadn’t known it was you! I- I saw something and couldn’t- I just didn’t know what it was. Oh my God I‘m so sorry! I would never act that shallow, oh my God!” He clung to Jisung’s arm and buried his face in Jisung’s chest, trying to his his watering eyes.

Things didn’t return to how they’d been last year. Things physically couldn’t. They still needed to work out what they wanted from the relationship, how they would go about things, Chenle’s still incredibly fragile masculinity, Jisung’s scarred emotions and trust issues and the whole gay thing in general.

But sitting on the old, beat up couch in eachother’s arms was all Chenle needed in that moment with Jisung’s fingers running through his hair. He might not know who he really was or where he fit into this mess of a world, but now he knew there was someone there to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet sorry this is literal trash i mentioned before i had a bigger objectively better idea for this story but that never happened so oops. thanks for the read, feel free to leave your thoughts and have a wonderful day

**Author's Note:**

> stay fuckin tuned


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